Introduction

Summary

In an interview with a 49-year-old woman, the interviewer asked what advice she would give to friends or family members of persons with cancer. The woman replied, “let them talk about it and face the fears together. That I think is a measure of a true friend or a true relative, is they're willing to walk along that road with you.”

In a study of conversations about everyday problems and stresses, a 28-year-old man explained his definition of a supportive person: “[They] give you feedback on your work or your actions. Also they are able to be honest with you and realize that the more we communicate our feelings and thoughts, the more our relationship will rest on a strong, passionate, and profound sense of intimacy.”

In a letter to Dear Abby, “Hurting Friend” explains how she turned to a friend for support during a time of stress only to be rejected. She says that her friend's unwillingness to provide emotional support “was a slap in the face and one that hurt much worse than a physical blow. Abby, I feel hurt and betrayed.”

Several decades of research reinforce the observation common to these examples from everyday life: Talking about problems with family and friends is important to individual and relational well-being. This book is about those conversations: what they look like, how and why they matter, and what are more and less effective ways of doing them.