Dear Abbe,
I was recently in another EM lab where they have an SEM with a touch-screen monitor. It can be laid flat in one’s lap and used like a tablet. I’m a die-hard knob twiddler and switch flicker, and now the companies are using touch-screen monitors? What will they dream up next?
Luddite in Ludlow
Dear Luddite,
As they say about most design engineers . . . “sie haben nicht alle Tassen im Schrank.” If I may increase your anxiety, we here at Abbe Labs are already past mere touch-screens for microscopes. You are familiar with table-top SEMs and their tiny columns. Our plan is to make SEM even smaller! Dispense with the box, put a seal on the bottom that conforms to different surfaces, add a tiny turbo pump, and Wunderbar! The Anywhere SEM (ASEM). But we don’t stop there! Adding controls would make the thing big again, and who wants that? Instead, we use gesture-based control, but with much more class. You recall the Theremin, ja? We use one to control this SEM, so you can make beautiful images and beautiful music at the same time. If you were an old sci-fi film enthusiast, you might be concerned about forbidden imaging and Id Monsters. And given the personalities of some microscopists, this isn’t an unwarranted worry. Consequently, we have a consultant on the control of the Theremin music and der monster introduction. One of Madam Dikroic’s acolytes is housed in our labs to cover that potential problem. Given the immense expense of writing and researching this column, not to mention my villas in the Caribbean and Mediterranean, you are probably wondering, “Why bother to develop the ASEM?” Because here at Abbe Labs, we try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal!
Worried about the effect your discoveries may have on the future of humanity? Can’t get that hunky lab manager to have a cup with you after hours? No problem! Send your queries to Herr Abbe via his capable and slightly demented assistant at jpshield@uga.edu.
