Dear Abbe,
A recent social interaction has left me perplexed. I was downtown on a cold, drizzly night waiting for a bus home. A well-dressed woman walked toward me, gave me a look, and then… added several extra feet of clearance. As I looked down to see if my zipper was up (it was, this time), I realized I was holding an issue of Microscopy Today to my chest with the “Microscopy” clearly visible (much in the manner of other proselytizers on these very streets). Then an elderly man came shuffling along the sidewalk, shabbily dressed and carrying his possessions in a black garbage bag. As he walked, I saw that he was relying on a cheap aluminum walker for support, scraping it along sidewalk ahead of him. He approached, cocked his head to read the title of my magazine, and then gave me a knowing smile and a nod before shuffling on his way. Did I just then get a glimpse of my university’s retirement plan for retired microscopists? Is there a gray cadre of optically discriminated individuals shuffling along our streets ready to peer through any bit of found glass to marvel at the mysteries of nature? Should I buy a good walker, the kind with wheels?
Sincerely,
Wet and Walker-less in Seattle
Dear Wet,
Heiliger Strohsack! Are you sure the time-worn street scamp wasn’t a Nobel Prize winner who, realizing that he no longer needs to put up a front, now wears comfortable clothes? More likely, what you witnessed was an example of protective coloration. Was the sidewalk shuffler wearing glasses? If so, then he was most likely the super-being known as The Microscopistï››. His alter ego in public usually takes the form of The Vagabond. His sly hint of acknowledgement upon seeing your copy of a microscopy journal was just a polite nod to your obvious intellectual perspicacity . . . or a bad case of facial tics from an afternoon of sniffing EPO-TEK®. The Microscopistï›› has been viewed either as a superhero or a supervillian, depending on the Administration du Jour. But most likely you are correct—you saw a vision of your retirement. Purchase that walker while you can and stuff the tube with used sputter coater targets. That way your ambulant aid will be a better investment than your retirement portfolio that the politicians have their eyes on.
If you need investment advice, you can do no better (or no worse) than to contact Herr Professor Abbe through his still-employed assistant at jpshield@uga.edu.
