Dear Abbe,
I took a boring industrial job after an academic one, which I now regret (sometimes). I am about to retire. I recently visited some colleagues to try out a new project in my old area, as a sort of hobby in retirement. Well, time has marched on. I could barely understand how to use the data acquisition programs, and my seminar bored the audience; it was as if I stepped out of a time warp.Is there any hope for restarting a scientific life? Or should I get used tositting on myporch yelling at kids to get off my lawn?
Old as the Hills in Ohio
Dear Fellow Oldster,
You have brought up an interesting irony in aging—how to be relevant in a society that has developed disdain for acquired wisdom and experience. Personally I find yelling at kids to be a cathartic diversion, but short on creativity. Opioid use is not a good option; I find it hampers my ability to be an effective curmudgeon. I suggest stand-up comedy and hitting the circuit. You should study my good friend Steve Martin. I'll never forget the advice Steve gave me about how to be funny. He said, “Never…” Wait, maybe it was, “Always be….” Hmm… Anyway, I never did do well standing in front of strangers attempting to get them squirting beverages out their noses in laughter. There's a lot of humor to be mined out of obsolescence and droll observations of work, so I'm told. I can see it now, you standing there in a stained lab coat, morosely passing out humorous observations of industrial secrets and academic advice, while people nervously look at their watches and roll their eyes. Ach! That was a flashback. I knew I shouldn't have taken my meds before dispensing advice.
Having trouble moving on in life? Are you afraid to take the plunge on a sketchy adventure? Let Herr Abbe warn you and laugh behind your back instead of having a loved one do it. Send those pesky anxieties to his assistant at johnshields59@gmail.com.
