Studies on older lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) adults in residential care point to their discrimination, invisibility and the taboo on LGBT lifestyles, and call for development of ‘gay-friendly’ care. Yet, the literature is short on how to create inclusive residential care for older LGBT people. We aim to acquire in-depth understanding of experiences and needs of LGBT older people concerning their inclusion and participation in care settings to contribute to development of inclusive and responsive care that structurally enhances visibility, ‘voice’ and wellbeing of LGBT residents. Responsive, multi-stakeholder research using interviews, participant observations and focus groups was conducted within three elderly care homes in the Netherlands. Thematic, interpretative analysis was performed. LGBT respondents reported social exclusion and the need to feel safe and at home and be yourself. Exclusive activities for LGBT people foster personal and relational empowerment. However, heterogenous activities seem crucial in dealing with stereotypical imaging, heteronormativity and an equality-as-sameness discourse that influenced culture and daily practice in the homes and negatively affected the position of LGBT older adults. For development of gay-friendly elderly care exclusionary social norms need to be addressed. Dialogical sharing of narratives can help to empower LGBT older adults and stimulate understanding and shared responsibility between LGBT and heterosexual older people, as well as professionals.

Sexuality and intimacy in care homes for older people are overshadowed by concern with prolonging physical and/or psychological autonomy. When sexuality and intimacy have been addressed in scholarship, this can reflect a sexological focus concerned with how to continue sexual activity with reduced capacity. We review the (Anglophone) academic and practitioner literatures bearing on sexuality and intimacy in relation to older care home residents (though much of this applies to older people generally). We highlight how ageism (or ageist erotophobia), which defines older people as post-sexual, restricts opportunities for the expression of sexuality and intimacy. In doing so, we draw attention to more critical writing that recognises constraints on sexuality and intimacy and indicates solutions to some of the problems identified. We also highlight problems faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGB&T) residents who are doubly excluded from sexual/intimate citizenship because of ageism combined with the heterosexual assumption. Older LGB&T residents/individuals can feel obliged to deny or disguise their identity. We conclude by outlining an agenda for research based on more sociologically informed practitioner-led work.