17 - Bereavement, loss and grief

Summary

Gladys's story

Gladys is an 82-year-old woman who had been married to Bert for over 60 years when he died suddenly of a heart attack. Following the death, her two sons arrived and stayed nearby, helping her with the funeral arrangements and sorting through his effects. Gladys lived in Leeds, her eldest son lived in London and her younger son lived in Glasgow. Immediately following the death, they were amazed at how well she seemed to be coping, noting that she was still smiling and very pleased to see them. Indeed, they were so encouraged with her apparent coping ability that they all returned to their homes after 3 weeks with no concerns about her. As before, they telephoned her once a week.

Three months after Bert's death, George received a telephone call from one of his mother's friends. She had become increasingly concerned that she had not seen Gladys since the funeral. Previously, Gladys had been a sociable lady who took part in various church activities, but she had not attended any social events or been seen in church since the funeral. Most of her friends had assumed she was staying with one of her sons. George was shocked to hear this and decided to travel to visit his mother the following week.

When he arrived, he could immediately see how overgrown the garden had become. His parents had always been keen gardeners, but now there was a mass of weeds and the grass was uncut. His mother was slow to answer the door and when she did, George was appalled to see how thin and unkempt she appeared, and how dirty and untidy the house was. Gladys had always been house proud and taken pride in her appearance. She was surprised to see George but welcomed him indoors and started general ‘small talk’ as she would do in her weekly telephone calls. It was clear that there was little food in the house and that Gladys had been mostly existing on bread and butter. George told his mother he would spend some time with her looking after some of the practical issues: going shopping, helping clean the house, going through unopened mail, cutting the lawn and arranging for help with the garden.