Death of Judas

Extract

It cannot be truly said that my case has been what people call a flash in the pan. No boyish enthusiasm was it that carried me away, no feeling that I should hardly scruple to qualify as ‘sentimental.’ It was something absolutely serious, an absorbing interest. I wanted to ease my mind, I wanted to know where He was going. For His part, when He called me, I am fairly compelled to suppose that He distinctly knew what He was about. To follow Him without hesitation, I sacrificed my family, my friends, my fortune, my position. There has always been in me a kind of scientific or psychological curiosity, call it what you will, at the same time with a relish for adventure and speculation. All those stories of the pearl of price, of mysterious estates no one knows where, yielding fruit an hundred fold, I must confess them all calculated to fire a young man’s heart with the noblest ambitions. I swallowed the hook. Besides, I was not the only one to get caught. There were all those worthy fish-scrapers. But on the other hand, I saw well-to-do and well-thought-of persons like Lazarus, women of the world, masters in Israel like Joseph and Nico-demus, falling at His feet. You never know. After all, since the Romans came, a man may say he has seen all sorts. I wanted to know just all there was to know, and follow the thing from start to finish.