We build a family of Markov chains on a sphere using distance-based long-range connection probabilities to model the decentralized message-passing problem that has recently gained significant attention in the small-world literature. Starting at an arbitrary source point on the sphere, the expected message delivery time to an arbitrary target on the sphere is characterized by a particular expected hitting time of our Markov chains. We prove that, within this family, there is a unique efficient Markov chain whose expected hitting time is polylogarithmic in the relative size of the sphere. For all other chains, this expected hitting time is at least polynomial. We conclude by defining two structural properties, called scale invariance and steady improvement, of the probability density function of long-range connections and prove that they are sufficient and necessary for efficient decentralized message delivery.