Second couplehood in old age following widowhood or divorce is a phenomenon developing with the increase in life expectancy and is yet to be accepted as part of the normative ageing process. The aim of this paper is to examine how family members of three generations perceive second couplehood in old age as a new phenomenon within a changing society and a dynamic family structure. The multigenerational families of 19 second-couplehood dyads (a total of 38 multigenerational families) were recruited using criterion sampling. The second-couplehood dyads were composed of men who repartnered at age 65+ and women at 60+, with children and grandchildren from a lifelong marriage. We tape recorded and transcribed verbatim 107 semi-structured qualitative interviews with older partners, their adult children and grandchildren. Analysis was based on grounded theory and dyadic-analysis principles adapted to families. Two main themes were found that presented gaps between reality and ideality experienced by the participants regarding second couplehood: as a problem through its disadvantages, and as a solution through its advantages. The gaps in both themes were bridged by the account: ‘as long as it's good’. Findings are discussed in the context of modernisation theory, the lifecourse and the family lifecycle perspectives relating to changes in family structure and ambivalence and how to deal with them on the macro, mezzo and micro levels.

Second couplehood in old age is a growing phenomenon alongside increases in life expectancy. Lately, a shift has occurred in that individual diversity of ageing is perceived to depend on the physical and social contexts in which older persons experience change. Thus, the purpose of the study on which this paper reports was to examine second couplehood in the context of old age and old age in the context of second couplehood using an existential-phenomenological theoretical orientation. Twenty couples were recruited using criterion-sampling: men aged 65+ and women aged 60+, with children and grandchildren from a lifelong marriage that had ended in widowhood or divorce, living in second couplehood – married or not – in separate houses or co-habitating. Forty individual semi-structured interviews were tape-recorded, transcribed verbatim and analysed according to phenomenological tradition. Five sub-themes emerged, demonstrating couplehood and old age intertwining: (a) enjoying life while still possible; (b) living with health-related issues; (c) relationships with adult children: autonomy versus dependency; (d) loneliness: living as a couple is better than living alone; (e) self-image: feeling young–feeling old. Findings support the existence of positive and negative aspects of old age. Our discussion suggests the need to replace perceptions of old age as either a negative burden or a positive asset towards a period of balancing between gains and losses. Furthermore, we acknowledge the role of second couplehood in older peoples’ wellbeing on the personal–micro level through love, the familial–mezzo level through care-giving and the social–macro level by reducing prejudice.

Little sociological attention has been paid to the repartnering of older people after widowhood, and how age, gender and the meanings of marriage influence choices about new cross-gender relationships. This paper reports on in-depth, semi-structured interviews with 25 widows and 26 widowers over the age of 65, widowed for at least two years and who had not remarried. Respondents were asked about their current lifestyle and relationships and whether they had ever considered remarriage. The words ‘selfish’ and ‘freedom’ were often used by the widows when describing their present existence, which was associated with not having to look after someone all the time. Few of the widowers mentioned selfishness and this was more likely to be associated with feelings of anger at the loss of their spouse; none of the men associated widowhood with a sense of freedom. The paper argues that the desire for repartnering after widowhood is gender-specific: widows are more likely to choose to remain without a partner for intrinsic factors: the reluctance to relinquish a new-found freedom; while for widowers, extrinsic factors of older age and poor health are more salient issues in new partnership formation choices and constraints.