20 - In and out of prison: my personal research journey of being a Black woman, researching Black women

Summary

This essay looks at my PhD journey undertaking research on Black women's experiences in prison. Firstly, I will discuss the decision to apply to study at the Open University, explaining the conscious decision to choose the Open University after studying at the University of Oxford for my master’s. The essay will discuss my supervisors as my main support mechanism; from building up my confidence as an academic to applying for access to the female prison estate. The final part of the essay will look at the struggles I have encountered, including negotiating prison fieldwork while pregnant, as well as reflecting on my positionality as a Black woman researching Black women in prison.

My journey is incomplete, but the support and challenges I have experienced thus far, combined with the important stories of the women interviewed, act as a driving force to ensure my PhD reaches completion and is heard.

My personal journey

Luck, determination, intelligence, motivation, strength, resilience, courage: these are the words that come to mind when I think about how I got to where I am today. I have earned my place as an academic, yet it is still something I have to negotiate and prove to both myself and the field I strive to be a part of.

My PhD journey has been one with challenges along the way, but I have received great support – from the application process right through to where I am today. The application process is a good place to start as it highlights the encouragement I received, and the ways in which two lecturers went above and beyond their role. Having nearly finished my master's degree at a top- rated university, I was feeling rather low in confidence about my place in academia, when in fact it should have been the opposite. Completing my master's at this university had shaken my belief in my academic ability; I did not feel a sense of belonging within academia. Additionally, I did not feel good enough to be in the same field as those who had taught me.