As the Fantasy Football Philosopher's League heads for its climax, we join one of the key matches, The God Squad v Humanists United. The God Squad led at half time, but the Humanists made a strong showing in the second half and after 25 minutes injury time, the score is equal and we move to the penalty shootout. In this league, the penalty shootout is held between the two team captains — each in goal against the other. The games take place in the twenty first century and team captains have been able to watch all the past matches they may have missed. Team captains are Thomas Aquinas and Bertrand Russell. You, the reader, keep the score.